Just another day??

Now let's be honest. When I wake up and know it's a work day, I'm not that excited about it...especially this place...this department store...(I'm rolling my eyes a little). For me, not only is it boring, it's negative. But I'm being negative about it, which doesn't help at all. I guess when it comes down to it, I'm not the retail type of person. I'm told to open a new store account once a week, remember countless discounts that change everyday, and push the new deal "3 FREE magazines for 3 months!" Okay, well, first of all I don't even agree with department store credit cards...too many credit cards, too many bills...not good. I like discounts, but sometimes I just wonder if it's a way to make you buy something you may not even want, or need. And I want to know one thing, why is a department store selling magazines?? There is just no need for that...and people don't want magazines. It's all a waste of money!!

But...I can't say any of that. So I smile and talk to people. I actually got into a really good conversation with one customer. She was buying slippers for her husband who has Melanoma and lost a toe in the process. She wanted to buy him some special slippers that may help him. She started telling me about the treatments he was going through and the countless doctors they had consulted. She told me about how her husband takes chemo treatments just by swallowing a pill and a new experimental treatment he was asked to take. She told me he was doing better than others and that he had no pain, which is rare. I was glad for that. Then her eyes started to water and I began to hate the fact that I was the Sales Associate and she the Customer. I couldn't help but  notice another customer behind her waiting. I had to cut the conversation short, even with those tears, and wish her and her husband well. I really wanted to hug her, but I thought that would be inappropriate. Wherever she is, I hope she has a beautiful night and her husband health and a new beginning!

I spent the rest of the work day wishing I could try on all the hats in the men's department. It really is such a temptation for me! Just like the toys in the children's department...they want me to play with them! Every time I looked over there I had a sudden rush to grab one and wear it the rest of the day. Just to see if anyone would notice. The Eskimo hat was what I wanted the most today:

I really got to get that hat. I've always wanted one, and they are so soft! Maybe I should just stick to selling hats. At least I'm passionate about them!

I left work and met my director at the local wig store. Yep, we got one of those. It used to be a club, then some kind of church, and now it's a wig store. For the play I'm supposed to have a bob haircut from the 1920s, like the actress Louise Brooks. We tried on a few and finally found one. The only problem was it needed to be cut a little big shorter. Conveniently, the director had an appointment at her salon that afternoon, so off we went to see if they would cut my wig! And they did!! I sat in that chair and practically every hair dresser took a stab at trimming and styling it to match the picture we brought. It really was a lot of fun! I'm really excited about my wig and the play!!

Maybe today wasn't as boring as I thought...

Ex-Volunteer vs. Reality

My friend Jim once described the end of your volunteer year like an ex-con being released from jail. I think that is pretty accurate. Reality was not how you left it. Or could it be that you have changed? I found myself back at home, staring at the computer, looking for a job, and feeling very confused. We've all been there. Another transition in life. I've done it before, I can do it again. But this time was different. I've discovered I'm not content with just any job, even if it's just part time, and only for the money. I want something that means, well, something! A job that can take me somewhere. (Hopefully in the general direction of Nashville.Haha. Kidding...kinda) But instead of following that desire I took a job that I knew was not right for me. Yep, I've done that before too. That little push of desperation that sits in your stomach as you fill out applications took over and said, Yes! Please employ me! I need money! Oops. So I find myself looking for something else...

And it's not been easy. It really does seem so much has changed in this community. There aren't many jobs. It's like the economy is strapping its belt tighter, hanging on for survival, and letting the unnecessary bits fall to the wayside. My heart aches for the broken, sad parts in this community. I see that clearly now. I don't think I ever did before. I have no idea how I can help, but I have an urge to pour bright colors of paint on the broken parts, mend them somehow, and make people smile again. Maybe I'm supposed to be here...maybe I'm not...maybe I have no idea at all...

And I'm still trying to understand what I learned while volunteering. A friend of mine seems to think it was a perfect place where you get to help people everyday. Maybe he got that idea from the way I've talked about it. That, of course, is not true. There were a few times I would have packed my things up and left. And in some ways, I was not the best fit. But at the same time it was...beautiful. The people we helped were charming, especially the crazy ones. I have a special place in my heart for them. They made it all worthwhile. And as far as the volunteer living? It was very much like a bubble. Now of course, it wasn't peaceful all the time, but it was like a safe little haven where the real world and real bills just disappeared. It was still hard in some ways, but easy at the same time. I felt like I was safely tucked away in the mountains of Kentucky where I got the chance to figure out who I am and who I should become. I found out I need to do something that deeply satisfies my heart,  hopefully that involves helping others. I don't know yet. But the year has changed me. Maybe because I knew it was only for a year. A year quickly disappears into another. I had just a little while, then it was gone. But isn't that how life should be? In two years I will be the big 3-0. Where in the world did time go??!! I feel like I've hung on to time, white-knuckled in confusion, and watched as my years collect, creating my story. I ask myself if I have actually claimed my story yet...and if not...what the crap am I waiting for??