I'm Going to Be Like Everybody Else and Discuss...Valentine's Day

So, instead of studying like I'm supposed to be doing, I read my sisters' blogs...they are probably in shock. They both wrote about Valentine's Day...and they are both single, just like me. I think we are just too awesome for the 'ball and chain' right now. :)

Honestly, I have never felt much attraction to Valentine's Day. I don't hate it, or like it. I'm indifferent really. I do think it's a waste of trees, but not of chocolate. :) It's a made up holiday with no concrete beginning. There is not much known about the actual person. In fact, it may not be an actual person, but a group of saints with the same name that were martyred for their faith. All the romantic junk was thrown in afterwards...in the High Middle Ages by poets. Man, we've strayed far. Now it's cupid, candy hearts, balloons, roses...it seems like love has thrown up in every store...well, imitations of love that is...a Hollywood Love that seems more like a slight attraction than real love.

And on this day, there is always a good romantic comedy fresh at the box office. It gets me thinking about being single vs. being married. My opinion has definitely changed over the years. The concept of marriage used to freak me out. But I've realized it's not really marriage that scares me, it's the mistake of marrying the wrong person. It's the challenge of marriage that is scary. If I get married, I will be with that one person for the rest of my life. Crap. That's a huge deal. One I do not take lightly. So, for now, I am single. And honestly, I'm very happy about it. I've always loved being single. It is an advantage. I'm in no hurry to change it.

Valentine's Day also makes me think about the idea of soul mates. I have always heard that God has someone for me, I just have to wait. I have always hated that belief. And I don't plan on waiting around for some guy.  It seems so stupid to me. If you want to bring religion into it, than look at the Bible. No where does it talk about soul mates. I do not believe there is just one person for me. I see that as limiting my options. No thanks. I don't have another 'half' trying to find me. I think I'm whole just like I am. In fact, parts of the New Testament encourages staying single. Now, that is something you never hear in church.

The idea of soul mates takes the power out of your hands and gives it to fate. That's ridiculous. I'm not trying to get into the idea of destiny, God's will, blah, blah. I just think marriage, or any committed relationship, is beautiful on its own without messing it up with 'soul mate' crap. It's the commitment that makes that bond strong. It's choosing another person over yourself everyday, living with them, loving and fighting with them...that's beautiful. And I got a good example...my parents. Goodness gracious, they are so very different from each other. Seriously. But they're committed....to the very core.

Now that is the real love that I'm talking about. It's that kind of love that can't really be explained, or even expressed in one day...or in one card...or with a box of chocolates. In fact, the martyrs of their faith expressed this kind of love better than any candy heart.

So, whether you hate it...or love it, we got Valentine's Day. Whether single or not, celebrate all relationships!!

And if anything, I hope it reminded you of what's truly beautiful in the world...

These Shining Lives

I always seem to have so many of my little 'writing ideas,' but never seem to actually write them down. So I'm attempting to do better now. I have been meaning to share an experience I had last November, but when I thought about it my thoughts got jumbled. I do that a lot by the way. Anyways...

I got to be in a play called 'These Shining Lives' at the local community college. It wasn't a big production. It was only shared by a few hundred of this town. Of course, for me, that was part of the charm. I love that theatre is for the present moment. It is not a film that you can watch over and over again. It is for this night, and the next....until the run of the show is over and only memories remain. Of course, most plays are video taped. I never liked that. It ruins the theatre experience. Theatre was never meant to be permanent art, like a statue. It is fleeting art. It is over before you realize it. Just like life. (Okay, sorry, got on my soapbox for a moment.)

The play was about a group of women that lived in the 1920s in Ottawa, Illinois. It was a true story. I played Catherine Donohue. They worked at the Radium Dial Company where they painted numbers on watch faces. They used a special radium powder to make the numbers glow. The women started getting sick. They tried going to the company doctor, but he only gave them pain medication and told them to rest. In fact, every doctor in town has the same diagnosis. Finally they found a doctor in Chicago who told them the truth. My character, Catherine, discovered she was going to die. She, and her friends, took the company to court. After years in court, she won...but died 21 days later.

Yes, I know, this sounds completely depressing. That may be one of the reasons why I liked this script. It was very real, gutsy, and poetic. I also got to play a woman who was so much stronger than I am. I know I didn't do her justice. I do not have the experience necessary right now, but I was blessed to get to know her. I remember reading the whole script for the first time. I realized that I would never want to live the life she did. It was simple; work and family. I personally don't want children...she had two. She lived in a small town...I cannot stop myself from dreaming big. But in the end, it doesn't matter. She had life, and then it was taken from her.

Catherine was 35. I'm 28 now. At my age, she was just beginning her fight that she would eventually lose. She was facing death. What if I was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow? How would I handle it? I still feel like I am waiting for life to start. I am still grasping who I am and trying desperately not to go crazy right now. Catherine loved her life exactly where she was. Yes, she broke down. Who wouldn't? But at the same time, I am not half the woman she was at her very weakest. Playing Catherine was difficult. But I loved it.

It reminded me why I love theatre. It brought back my desire to be on stage. Sometimes I feel more alive up there than anywhere else. And no, I am not the best. Not even freakin' close. But considering how short life is, does it really matter? I've realized I have gotten more out of theatre than I could ever give back. I got to meet this wonderful woman who breathed, ate, slept, cried, laughed, loved...I wish I could be more like her.

The play also reminded me that time is against us. We don't have much of it. I feel like I forget that every single day. If I could only remember that. Death is before us. It is inescapable.

Our life is made up of time...and it's just ticking away.